Ever since I started looking at donor profiles, when I see a little coloured baby, I think “that’s what my child will look like.” Or when I see twins (that 60% chance just keeps echoing in my head), I look to see what that looks like.

But brown babies – well they are like the most exciting thing for my mind – I just stare and something lights up inside me – “that is your possibility right there.”

And I start to dream: –

will it be a he or a she?

Will he have curls?

Will she ?

Will he ?

Just like that baby I am looking at right now…

I just hear Natasha Beddingfield singing:

“I wanna have your baby.

Like serious, like crazy.

I wanna have your baby.”

See a father in a movie – ‘that will be me, tearing up at her graduation.’ ‘oh, that will be me setting rules for homework or doing chores.’ ‘oh, that will be me making birthday cakes, or hosting his friends over.’ – oh that will be me.

I feel like I am in a giant classroom, and I am a new student, and teaching and learning is all around me. There are children and parents everywhere. It is like suddenly they are in focus, whereas I didn’t look closely before, like if you win a ticket to go to Senegal. Suddenly Senegal is what you research and learn about.

So child rearing – Child Rearing 101.

And I am suddenly aware of the simplicity and the complexity of it all. The basics are simple – that is obvious because child rearing is going on every day on a massive scale very successfully, and has for centuries.

Then there is the complexity of it. Boy is it complex. So many decisions you have to make all time that can, may, will, may not, perhaps have nothing to do with…effecting their life, their future, their health, their happiness, their needs, their up bringing, which will effect their future, how they will raise their kids…oh my.

In the end like studying Maths, you observe, follows the lessons, ask for help, think positively and go for it.

I love Maths.

I am so going to love this new subject.

I already love my child.